


Why?

by mar106



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Adila is their kid, BTW, Character Study, F/F, Jewish!Angela, Jewish!Angela Character Study collection, Judaism, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, Pharmercy (Implied), also Pharmercy is no longer just implied, and i think this is becoming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2020-11-22 16:30:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20877245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mar106/pseuds/mar106
Summary: Angela shares Jewish stories, teachings, and other elements of her faith that inspired her.





	1. Chapter 1

Many times throughout her life, Angela has been asked “Why?”

Why pursue medicine as a career? Why not work in a hospital? Why join Overwatch? Why not stay in the lab? Why not sell the patent to nanobiotics and live simply? Why join Overwatch again?

All mostly centered around one question: Why did she continuously strive to do better and do more, so much so that she put herself in the line of fire to heal and save people, especially people which her pacifist ideals disagreed with?

Whenever someone asked her one of those questions, she was always reminded of a story which her Mueti had told her when she was young:

> _It is said that King Solomon was such a great leader that, when he died, two angels came down in a chariot of fire and said to him:_

> _ “Come with us. G-d has decreed that we are to show you both heaven and hell, and you are to be given the choice which one you go to.” Solomon nodded and simply stepped into the chariot as it sped away up into the sky._
> 
> _ It was night, and it was day, and they arrived in heaven. Solomon saw a long table covered with every dish imaginable. Either side of the table were many doors, and all stretched on and on, until Solomon could see no further. At some unseen signal, the doors all opened and crowds of people of all different shapes, sizes and ages flowed out. The only thing common among them was that on either arm were tied giant spoons which stretched beyond their elbows, such that they were unable to feed themselves._
> 
> _But these people were kind and generous, so each fed the people next to him, such that all were sated by the time another unseen signal was given. At this, all the people, smiling and laughing, full and content, chatting amiably, filed out of the endless chamber. The doors swung shut behind them as the angels turned to Solomon and asked him a question._
> 
> _ “Do you wish to stay?”_
> 
> _ “Show me the other,” he said._
> 
> _ It was night, and it was day, and they arrived in hell. Solomon looked, and found it much the same. There was the endless hall, lined with endless doors, and in the middle the endless table with all the dishes Solomon had ever seen or dreamed of, and some he could not name. The doors opened and people endless as the table and various as the sustenance upon it came out into the hall with spoons bound to their arms above the elbow, which stretched below their hands. _
> 
> _ These people were mean and selfish, and tried in vain to feed themselves. Some were quite clever, but none succeeded in getting more than a bite or two of food before they were pushed, glowering and arguing, back out of the hall by some unseen force.   
_
> 
> _Before the angels could question him once more, Solomon gave them his answer._
> 
> _ “Leave me here. I wish to teach these people the meaning of kindness, so that they might live better lives here than they did while they were alive.”_
> 
> _The angels nodded, and did what he asked. As they sped away in their chariot of fire, the eating time came again, and there was Solomon, with spoons on either arm. At once he began offering other people spoonfuls of food. Some were shocked, some suspicious, others simply ignored him, but slowly, very slowly, the kindness began to spread._

> _ Solomon smiled._

* * *

“Mueti, I want to be just like Solomon when I grow up!”

“I’m sure you will, Adila. But what about your other mother?”

The child’s face twisted in such a deep frown it was comical. Angela tried her best not to laugh.

“I know! I’ll be like Solomon and Ummi!”

Adila's face lit up in such a look of triumph that Angela couldn't help but laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The teased Diana/Leona _is_ coming, it's simply at the point where, like the last drop of soda in the can, I just can't get that final bit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody thinks they know why Angela chose her career. They're wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit for the blockquote in this one is [here](https://randysrandom.com/god-create-atheists/), because I just couldn't bear to put this in my own words.
> 
> Vocab:  
**Sukkot**, n. Important Jewish holiday remembering the sheltering of the Jews by God during their 40 years in the Sinai desert. Celebrated in autumn, during the Jewish month of Tishrei. Also translated as "Feast of Tabernacles".  
**Sukkah**, n. Important feature of Sukkot, it is a mostly open, simply built wooden structure, with a mesh roof that is covered in plant material. Hosts important ceremonies during Sukkot. Traditionally constructed outside, but in colder areas often used inside for health of congregation.  
**Chassidic**, adj. Of or relating to **Hasidim**, an Orthodox sect of Judaism.

No one ever asks what drove Angela to become a doctor, then an Overwatch operative, then a field medic. They all know the newspaper sob story of the orphaned child who wishes to make sure no one else ever has to suffer as she did. If she told them that she wished to become a doctor long before her parents were killed, that it only pushed her to work harder? They nod, they placate her, say “of course, of course.” But they do not believe her.

In school, she was too young to have such perspective on herself. Everyone viewed themselves as older, so of course they knew best. By the time she was a fellow at a hospital, and nearing the stage where her age gap ceased to matter so much, she was Angela Ziegler, prodigy. Not someone you even _hoped_ to get to know well. At Overwatch, she was surrounded by prodigies, and managed to make some very good friends, perhaps even find some family. But everyone was always so busy that there was never any time for such deep discussions to happen. In the interim, when she was doing relief work in the Middle East, it was a combination of both. Always, there was someone to be patched up, or to inspect, or another place that needed her, and she was still Angela Ziegler, prodigy. As if that was not enough, she was now also Angela Ziegler, former Overwatch agent. (For better and for worse.) She had nearly given up . on having someone listen to her.

Then, the recall happened. The missions were few and far between, as they had limited range, supplies and personnel. Then too she met Fareeha Amari, who was not only a gorgeous, confident, sexy goddess of a woman, who was not only kind, thoughtful, and a good listener, but who had also lived her whole life having people assume her motivations. Thus, one of the staples of their time together were deep discussions that lasted long into the night (and often resulted in their falling asleep on the couch together). So, she finally got to tell her story.

It had started, as so many things had started for her, in synagogue. One Sukkot, as they were all sitting under that mesh of vines and leaves they called a Sukkah, the rabbi had introduced her Hebrew School class to the idea of Tikkun Olam (תיקון עולם) - literally “healing the world.” It was an idea that was present in many religions, the idea that one should help others, donate to the poor, do good works, and so on and so forth. However, when she thought of that comparison, Angela could not help but feel that the Jewish version was superior. For there was no guilt-tripping, no messaging of “do this so you can go to heaven” or “do this or go to hell” or anything like that. You did it because _it was the right thing to do_. She remembers relating a piece of Chassidic literature to Fareeha on the subject: 

_ The Master teaches the student that God created everything in the world to be appreciated, since everything is here to teach us a lesson._

_ One clever student asks “What lesson can we learn from atheists? Why did God create them?”_

_ The Master responds “God created atheists to teach us the most important lesson of them all — the lesson of true compassion. You see, when an atheist performs an act of charity, visits someone who is sick, helps someone in need, and cares for the world, he is not doing so because of some religious teaching. He does not believe that God commanded him to perform this act. In fact, he does not believe in God at all, so his acts are based on an inner sense of morality. And look at the kindness he can bestow upon others simply because he feels it to be right.”_

_ “This means,” the Master continued “that when someone reaches out to you for help, you should never say ‘I pray that God will help you.’ Instead for the moment, you should become an atheist, imagine that there is no God who can help, and say ‘I will help you.’ ”_

She remembers Fareeha nodding, as if she had just put into words something Fareeha had always felt. Or perhaps that was merely her imagination; that was how Angela remembers feeling when she had heard it for the first time. They are words that Angela has tried her best to live by, and she says as much to Fareeha. 

“I think… I think you have done pretty well,” she says, in that way she has of understating everything. Her tone fully makes up for the lackluster wording, however, and they are words Angela will treasure dearly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Yea, that was good, but I'm probably not gonna write something like this again for a while.  
Also Me: *Writes entire 700 word character study in one sitting*
> 
> Hey you. Looks like you weren't the only one who was inspired. (You know who you are.)
> 
> Also, there is probably gonna be:  
1) more Jewish!Angela character studies, because I love that piece of her character, it's a great way to explore other parts of said character, and also it's a great way to explore my own faith, and teach you guys about (reform, probably) Judaism at the same time, so everybody wins.  
2) a parallel piece from Fareeha's perspective on her motivations, but that's gonna require both thought and research, because I'd love to have Fareeha draw on her own religion, but I know next to nothing about Islam. (If anybody wants to help/point me in teh right direction/beta-read I'd be open to it? Pm me @ mar1066.tumblr.com if you'd rather not comment here.)
> 
> P.S.  
Mac autocorrect, WHY IN GOD'S NAME do you think Sukkot is spelt "Sukkoth"? It's not even vaguely pronounced that way...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angela thinks about holidays, how people perceive them, and what hers look like now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm warning you now: this one is a bit sad.

They always look at her oddly when she says she isn't doing anything much around Christmas. Not many actually ask, "Why aren't you celebrating _Hannukah_," but she can see them all thinking it.

Usually, she responds that it's too busy at the hospital - lots of people get hurt, what with the ice, cold, snow, and wind. When people aren't content with that, she uses her Doctor Voice and says, "it's a fire hazard." That usually makes them shut up.

She remembers meeting a coworker's girlfriend at what was essentially an office Christmas party (though they hadn't called it that). The woman - Lena? - had had a little too much to drink, and had butted in when one asker (also a bit drunk) had gotten too pushy with the question. She had said, in her brash cockney voice, "I always thought lighting ALL THOSE CANDLES must'a been a bit of a faff, really."

(Angela was thankful for the interruption, and thought it was kinda funny, but evidently her girlfriend had not. She hadn't seen the woman since.)

She never says, "_Hannukah_ really isn't that big of a holiday," or, "there's no such thing as '_Hannukah_ presents' - that's borrowed from Christmas," or anything like that. It'd take too much time to explain, and even then - would they understand?

She also never tells the about the Jewish holidays that _are_ important, like _Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur or Pesach_, aka Passover. Why would they care? She doesn't even have anyone to celebrate with, to share pictures of and gush over like some of her coworkers. 

She remembers Passover nights with her family, long ago, with a ring of happy-sad faces around the table, more people than the list of numbers she doesn't read anymore. They would go around the table, trying to get it out in one breath, and if you couldn't? On to the next person!

She remembers seeing that ring dwindle, one by one. Now hers is the only voice that reads the Seder, in an apartment that feels cold and empty. She has a bowl of matzo-ball soup that came from a can, eats the _maror_, and drinks more than just four cups of wine. Dipping the _karpas_ always feels unnecessary, for she cries her own tears.

"Next year in Jerusalem," she says, alone. But her true wish falls much shorter - she wants only for company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankfully, I am not in this situation now. But I might be, in the future, and that's what scares me.
> 
> I _plan_ to write a happier sequel to this later - I'm really not in the right mindset right now - but we'll see.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
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End file.
